Spiritual abuse has many faces
We have a lot of helpful resources to share on the topic of spiritual abuse and recovery, but nothing is more powerful than the words of those affected. It is because of these testimonies, and others like them, that Sparrow Ministry exists. We’ve included an MP3 of the song What About Us? by Pink to accompany the slideshow because the song’s lyrics are so fitting for the issue of spiritual abuse (MP3s are not compatible with IOS devices).
“I asked God why would he want me to endure all this in following him…”
“While I was unemployed and struggling to pay my rent and buy food, a church leader told me I had better start tithing my unemployment check or I’m outta here.”
“The day comes and every person had to get up and confess to the entire church body. The manipulation after that night was horrible.”
“I didn’t know who I was without the church. My entire identity was crushed.”
“They were instructed to have nothing to do with me because I ‘left the kingdom of God.’”
“Being betrayed by the people I entrusted with my very soul was the greatest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced.”
“I thought I had joined a warm, unconditionally loving family, but once the waters of my baptism dried, everything changed.”
“I have experienced pain beyond anything a human should have to.”
“They’re always looking for something to be wrong, and if they can’t find anything wrong they make something wrong.”
“In was in the Singles in my last few years in the group, and it was the spiritual junkyard. There were people there who were just broke, stuck, people spinning their wheels.”
My trust was betrayed. I was intimately violated; spiritually raped by not just one person, but many.
I feel rejected. Though my life situation didn't change at all, all that "sympathy" and "caring" ended immediately with the last Bible Study. It made me confused and feeling hurt.
They teach fear in people and not the lord. If you missed one service or had other personal issues going on in your life they would make you feel absolutely guilty.
By making me constantly insecure and guilty I could be made to do anything that was asked of me, always hoping that this time I would make it.
I was told to wear more make up so I could bring in more people, that I could only date within the church, and the FINAL straw was when they told me I needed to leave my family because they weren't disciples of the church.
My experience has left a lot of scars on my soul, and they'll take a long time to heal.
So I lost friendships, I lost property, money I "tithed," and a huge part of me was ripped away. You know what my crime was? I asked too many questions about church policy...
Anything not focused on God or church-related things is construed to be impure and sinful, thus you must rebuy God's love with some more deeds and tears.
He hammered at me, tearing apart every aspect of my personality, from my inherent shyness to my love of poetry, denouncing these and others as being sinful, ridiculous and selfish.
They taught and practiced UNQUESTIONED obedience and loyalty to human leaders. There is no room for disagreements, criticisms nor differences in opinions.
My fear of going to hell mounted as I convinced myself with their doctrine, that if I left this church I was going to hell.
The issue is not commitment to love for the Lord, but the manipulation of our minds, and the damage that is being done. In my case, the frustration has been horrendous, even small things like getting a good night's sleep are rare for me now.
I could not understand, or condone, the telling of deeply personal confessions to other people without my permission. I felt betrayed and finally broke off from the church.
There was no room for deviation or compromise on any doctrine of the group. If you dissented, you were first "studied with" (the term "discipled" came later) and if you didn't "repent", you were out of the group.
I have witnessed cruelty, and abusive and tyrannical behavior, by many leaders...I have watched people get suicidal and depressed (myself included) because of this. This is the greatest horror in the "Kingdom."
I was so broke most of the time that my roommate and I had difficulty eating properly. (Can you say Ramen?) I would then come home to find a message on our answering machine that we had to prepare and deliver a meal to someone else.
Even though I had let the leaders know I was willing to talk to them, they never contacted me. I got a few calls and met with a few people from the church. But I never found anyone who cared about what I had gone through; I have not one friend left there.
The worst thing was the breaking sessions. We told him/her a lot of things, shouted if necessary, humiliated him, sometimes in front of his wife/her husband, until the person was broken (meaning that they cried and agreed to do whatever the breakers thought that person should do).
I have never felt so accused, mistreated, and harassed, in my life.
We all left the groups more depressed than when we had come. And week after week, there was more of this torture to endure. It even became an acceptable thing to get "laid out" (which means being harshly rebuked), and many people believed that they deserved it!
Life in the church was like one long rollercoaster. Some days I would be on a high, ready to evangelise the world. On other days I would be in the pit of despair, convinced I had failed as a disciple.
They came back in my life... It really caused some problems for me. I then tried to kill myself because of all the pain.
I walked into a psychologically intimidating situation: three on one. They told me all about me, and revealed the deepest thought and attitudes of my heart! They brought up my past as if God hadn't, couldn't possibly have, forgiven me of it, but there it was, pushed in my face.